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Yes, it's true that I have not updated because I wanted the post count to remain at 111. I suffer from a condition where certain numbers or colors or combinations* simply MUST exist for a period of time. I have tried to combat this condition but I must wait another 11 days before giving it another shot. But, I've decided that it was unfair for this non-living mass of digitized information to simply forget all about feeding it, so I am here for the purpose of giving it a literary enema.
That's something I aim to do every now and then, word suppositories. Not sure if I spelled that correctly but if I didn't nobody would notice anyhow. Four people in total have ever read anything on this online journal, well around four. Newer people and things have come about just in time to know me during my second ice age. The furnace was damaged during a trip to a place I hate and I have yet to circulate nuclear hot heat to the rest of my being an aspects. I prayed to a god with an Elephant's head and drank the blood of the Egyptian cat goddess, so soon I will either be back on the right track or will be driven completely goddamned insane. In either case it should not be boring. * Why is it showing that "combinations" is a misspelled word? Can nouns not be plural? I think this is another case of pedantry perpetrated by prolonged procrastination by pissant programmers. Busy writing codes of pixilated sex were we?! I have a hammer I want to fuck your skull with... people... I haven't met... and who may not even be there.
Good god was Bast's blood collected during "the curse?" Even cat goddesses who predate Christianity are subject to the twisted plan of Jehovah. Hopefully this is not the case though. Not just for women the world over but for myself. I lied when I said becoming insane would be just as good as getting back on track. I want to get back on track! If I'm insane I'll lose what little focus I have left and will wind up spending most of my time knitting a sweater that's not there. "THAT'S WOMAN'S WORK" says the invisible misogynist... I like it when it's quiet. Well, quiet besides the ringing in my ear.
In other news, this is the first time I've ever had a title for a post picked out before finishing the words. Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo. Perfect sense.
The child epitomizes annoying and unrelentingly spoiled. She will grow up to be detached or have unreasonable expectations. Her mother is a two faced swine who has basked in the light shone from the last flickering remnant of the person I once was.
I am paralyzed now. Sitting here stone solid unable to spark or spit fire. Such a miserable feeling right now, to have once ridden on a chariot of fire but now having to walk barefooted is terrible shit. But, it could be worse. Much worse, I could be one of the people I despise.
Well, maybe I am, now that I think about it. Would it not be a stretch to go outside of my mind and view myself as I am at this moment objectively? I wonder what I would find... spark spark spark...
my life is mine. do as i please before i am dust in the breeze. love and hate and laugh and joke and do all of this before i croak. more than the money and more than the fame and more than those bastards who all think the same. its not my world but its not theirs either. they collectively grasp at dull rings while using defective eyes and defective hearts to feel their way around the mists and darkness that we all find ourselves having to cross through. theres more than anyone thinks there is. the wisest of us all would shudder and weep but then throw their arms up in joy at the neverending mystery and the continuous flow of reassuring and reaffirming moments and ideas. it never ends but we do. its of extreme importance to embrace and seek these things. grow your heart not paper or electronic currency. find contentment and happiness not more room to put shit you dont need and dont truly want.
a person, because they are a person, must learn learn how to wash away the ideas they were given and then reconstruct a model of reality from genuine honesty, rationality, and an altruistic nature. we are the only living beings who can become puppets to ideas and thoughts. through us 'ideas' find homes and are given all thats needed to exist without existing. an idea that has been implanted before you had the chance to think it over is a virus that as an adult you should be able or willing to purge. once preconceived notions are gone you must find what it is in this life that you want to emulate or pursue or live for. if it is truth make it absolute truth and chase it down relentlessly. if it is love make it love for all people and hold close the branches that stem from love compassion and forgiveness and let them turn you into a loving being. and if all you want is to live happily under your own terms then do not ever do anything that would impede another person who is striving for the same thing as you. bad ideas will cause a person who wants happiness to actively attack and destroy the happiness of others.
to write like this i shift all into the aether. i am not aware or conscious of anything but the thoughts that float all around me. when i am thinking or displeased the majority of the thoughts stay away but when i am off they act like fireflies that seek rest in my mind so they come to me. take apart the method and leave the reception then let the fingers convey the rest.
