November 2012,Upstate New York, near the Canadian border.
I'm riding in the back of an old truck with fellow freedom fighters as we patrol the border for those who would infiltrate our land. It's cold and wet but our morale burns with the resolve of crusaders marching to Jerusalem, but this is no war in a foreign land. The battlefield is in our own backyards, and worse still, we seem to be the only fucking people who care.
I was a living on a mountain when I pirated a broadcast from the Fox News channel using a receiver I had crafted out of aluminum foil and squirrel pelts.
The broadcast was muffled, but it spoke of an invasion of illegal immigrants that was ripping apart the very fabric of which America was weaved. I shit myself in terror and reached for my blunderbuss, which I had crafted from reforged iron and squirrel pelts, then I listened for more.
Apparently an influx of criminals and social miscreants were pouring into my country in order to murder every man, rape every woman and to eat every delicious child before reforging the United States into a squalid hellhole full of sinners. Once we were all gone, these illegal immigrants would surely build a portal to hell and summon the great goat god Pan from his slumber to rain terror upon the Earth, and without America there to protect it, the planet would be doomed.
Fox news soon cut out, but their messaged had reached me. Immigrants were coming to destroy all that I was conditioned to love. I whipped out my map I had made from parchment and squirrel pelts and scanned it thoroughly. Who could possibly be invading us… who?
Canada. It all made sense in that moment.
I soon left the mountain and headed to upstate New York in order to join the resistance. Many of the locals were confused when I questioned them about "the invasion," but eventually I met up with some like-minded patriots who knew just as I that now is not the time to think things through, now is the time for action.
And here I am now, roaming the countryside planting mines and razor wire along the border and exchanging war stories with the men. We still listen to Fox news and other pundits regularly. It's strange, their words seem to force all other knowledge out of my mind in order to make room for their wisdom. I've forgotten things like critical thinking and math, but these things are not required to be a "patriot" in today's America. All I need are orders and my gun. Point me to something, tell me it's bad, and I will do my god damndest to hate the living hell out of it.
Soon my shift will end and I'll go back to the log cabin we've built out of logs and squirrel pelts and we will begin mapping out a new area to saturate with mines and pungee pits. We've yet to see any demonic immigrants trying to slither into our country, just some upstanding white people with strange accents, but we know they are out there and we will not falter or fail in our mission.
As soon as I am able to have reliable internet access I will send more tales of my heroic exploits.
Love,
A Patriot
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