Boozeviking Murderzone

I am bothered. I have read hundreds of examples of other people's writing. These people call themselves writers and profess to write as if it is as important a function as breathing. But when I read what is actually written, I can rarely tell it apart from what the last person wrote, like it's all a giant and uninspired conspiracy.

I mentioned this to a friend of mine and gave her a sample of the writing that dismayed me. She could not see anything wrong with it and informed me that I was being an arrogant, nose in the air asshole who did not think that if something was not written by me it was not worth reading. This is where I would usually make a joke, along the lines of "HOW DID SHE KNOW?!" or "they're lucky I don't hunt them down for affronting me with their bile drenched symbols of mediocre story telling," but the truth is it got my goat.

I have come across many wonderful examples of writing, just... not from anyone online that I have come across as of yet. I get excited to hear that a person "is a writer and has been doing it for years" but when I read what they give me I almost always have to slam my hand in a door just to stay awake and stay focused. As I read I will scrutinize it, but not to any absurd degree. I forgive simple mistakes, but it gets to the point to where I will read on and on and on waiting for that moment where my time becomes well spent but it never comes to pass. I have read so many pieces that are nothing but word suppository, and not the enjoyable kind. It's like having to read the shit they pump out in high school English.

Yes they may love writing, but they write as if they're following along with a fucking bouncing ball in a "writing for mongoloids" home instructional video! It's either too safe and boring or reckless and sloppy. Maybe I am just being a snooty fuckface but goddammit I know what I like and what I don't like! I do not claim to be Shakespeare or Styron or Dostoevsky or even King, but I know at least that my hacked up servings are at readable. I know I have not been writing for nearly as long as many of these people, but how does it not occur to them that they are writing cookie cutter shit.

Writing should NEVER be cookie cutter, it should be brave and bold, it should be simple and sophisticated, it should be anything but dull and uninspired. The words give life and cause your brain to take flight, but not when an entire story revolves around something that should have been no more than a sentence in length, if it has a point at all! Even if it doesn't have a point, make it wild make it zazzy, aim it high and even if it fails at least learn something from it! Don't write boring shit and try to pass it off as something finished. I can live with a boring piece if it was written as an experiment or something that a lesson could be learned from but over and over agaknrewlkrw lkhvalkj wlrkj 1oi1` j2132j42`~!@#~

Alright, moving on, I have been writing seriously for a very short time, but I already have a cranial ego balloon that lifts my head into the great wordy sky so that I may blow the arrogant snot of self-importance unto the lowly masses who falsely claim to be writers, how DARE they not adhere to what I consider a writer to be!

Bah, this is giving me a headache, but at the same time I'm happy to feel this way, I'm happy to have a passion for something other than being an asshole. I love it, I truly and whole heartidly love it. I will write more later, but for right now I must look into having my legal name changed to Boozeviking Murderzone.

Furthermore! Andika got me into this Morrissey song called Irish Blood, English Heart which I have been playing on a loop; partly because the fucking thing is so short. I have never seen Morrissey perform until Andika showed me a video. That's a guy who knows how to work charisma and sex appeal despite looking like every single British man who has ever lived. Andika told me he was asexual. As it turns out my assumption that he reproduced by gorging himself on food until he vomits a child wasn't what she meant, *thanks for the misinformation Tremors 3* Apparently he has no sexual interest in men or women. After watching his video for a while I realized that the reason for this was because nobody has made him a clone. I guarantee you that he would absolutely nail himself, and I guarantee you that every morning this man looks in the mirror and says "man, I'd so fuck me."