Imagination Retaliation

I googled the name "J.C. Moses" and found that there was already an acclaimed jazz drummer by that name. I wonder if I should think of a pen name to write under, or several now that I think about it. I cannot compete with a drummer, even if he has been dead since the 70's, so it appears that I must.


This confused devil is me. Yes, that is what I look like when I'm wondering what is making a humming sound before the laptop camera takes a picture without me wanting it to. You will be happy to know that I exercised the demon from the camera *yelled profanity* and it is now working as God intended. Back to the picture though, despite my red nose at that moment in time I assure you that I was not drunk... you can tell because I'm not smiling, and in my eyes you can see the deep longing for alcohol. I post this picture so that I may look unto myself in a vulnerable state and see if any different names beside "jackass" and "hack" come to mind.

So far nothing has.

Fine imagination, be that way. Desert me in my time of need, recede in fear anytime myself is involved. Fucking prick. An imagination that turns off at the sight of the imagine-er, pshh, imagine that! ...wait, what? Tired? And sick? Of what?! I didn't feed you today? Look here asshole, I did plenty today for you... well, it's better than sleeping all day. HEY FUCKER, the only reason I didn't write those ideas down when I woke up was because I couldnt find a pen, and I didn't want to haul my ass around at fucking noon o'clock in the morning to find a pen. Not committed? Listen to this guy! You're talking like you're not a part of me, like you don't carry any of the blame! I treat you fine! I swear, between you, body and liver it's like riding in a fucking waaaambulence.

I'll admit that I could do more, but look at our circumstances! We're fucking homeless at the moment! I AM DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT! What do you think all this shit is?! What do you think all those hundreds of writings and stories are for? Like I'm going to print them out and line bird cages with them, seriously, you should know better. Oh? Alright then tell me, what do you know that I dont? ...well, yes I did know that but it's not always on my mind, I thought thats what you were for. Again with the feeding, what the hell do you want? Well we dont have enough gas money to go out every night, we don't have any friends left and we don't even have a working vehicle. I miss the wind and the night and the people as much as you do but there is little to be done right now. WHAT JOB?! I'm on the "call back" list of every employer in town. Yes, except the day care, ...wha!? how the hell could you think a day care would hire us?! WE'RE TALKING TO EACH OTHER! THIS ISN'T NORMAL!

I don't know "what is normal," but whatever it may be it is not what we are doing right now. Alright listen... we'll work on this, remember the plan? Yes, I know I need a lot more practice but what else am I going to do? Yes its scary, yes we might fail, but goddammit courage and I are going through with it. I can't imagine living the way we were before, and thats probably because my imagination is being a whiny little bitch. Fine. Ok? We'll work all this out, tomorrow I'll feed you some words instead of making you find your own for 8 hours at a time, I'll even see about getting you some sleep. How's that? Good... look, it will all work out. I just know... I don't want to call it faith, but I'm counting on it, we've got a legitimate shot to at least become some sort of a novelty, right? Well thats better than where we are, there's no place to go from here but up, or dead.