Ghosts, Spooks and Heated Choco-mao-mao

With the mere mention of a name I can be rendered worthless and weak. At it's calling, I feel as if nothing I do will amount to anything. It is the antithesis of happiness, a hope hungry vortex and the pain of knowing that the end is near and all you can do is greet it with tears and no place to run.

The name is dark fire that does not illuminate, but still consumes. It's vile, and stupid, and ugly and dumb, dumb dumbsticks.

I've forgotten the name at the moment, as well as whether or not it was the name of a person, place, idea or concept, or even a thing. I do recall it being terrible though, like it was made of the nightmare nights in childhood. Strange... you would think that I would be able to remember such a powerful name, but for the life of me I can't! Perhaps this is a good thing. Do I really want to recall something that would warrant negative words to be strung together in a way that conveys dread and loathing? What if it wasn't anything bad? Christ! What if I've said such terrible things about something I enjoy!? What if I have done that, and that thing I enjoy finds out what I said about it!? What if I said it about hot chocolate?!! What if they leave me because of it?! Hot chocolate might not understand the situation! It might not care because I broke it's heart with such mean sentences that were not even intended for it!

My god, but what if... what if I did mean to say what I said about hot chocolate... Do I like hot chocolate? Yes, I think so, I love it in fact, I drink it in the summer. But then why, why speak ill of something I love?

Was I possessed? Did the spirit of a slain opponent guide my hands? If so, does this mean when I am inevitably struck down from behind by someone I trusted that I may come back as a vengeful spectre?! That would be interesting, but only after the first 20 billion years or so. Once the universe cools to the point of eternal zero I would imagine being a ghost would suddenly become much less interesting, unless I was able to interact with other spooks, but even do I really want to spend the rest of eternity chatting with the slain opponent who as I recall was a pretty shallow fuckwit?

I must think on these things... I can't make a mistake right now, hot chocolate must not know. I will be sweet to it for now, until I can decide the best course of action and gain practical intelligence on the matter. Fear not, I have no fear but the name, and it is likely I will never remember the name, so I guess that means I have no fear, save for the fear of losing hot chocolate forever.